Communicate, communicate, communicate!  Communication is the first element that must be established in order to build on the seven remaining elements.  Communication must be the foundation in any relationship.  It must be two-sided and open for both parties to achieve maximum success.  Two people need to be able to communicate on the same level in order to be effective.  One needs to communicate without condescending to the other person.  Good communication invites a conversation about something, eliciting or provoking a response.  If this aspect is missing when you first meet someone, chances are, you will not want to spend any more of your time or energy for nothing in return.  With communication, you build trust and respect, and with this you learn of one’s honesty and gain their emotional support.  From there you have the desire to be intimate, and begin to have a greater sense of self-worth.  Lastly, you and your partner will share mutual interests.  You can build a lifetime of memories just from a little communication.

I cannot tell you how important good communication is.  Communication not only benefits a relationship, but also every facet of one’s life.  Communication is the foundation of life, if you will.  You use communication in everything you do, have done so since you were born, and will continue to do so until you die.  Communication comes in two forms: verbal and non-verbal.  There is also a distinction between communication and effective communication, and unfortunately not all of us are blessed with effective communication skills.  Verbal and non-verbal communication are equally important.  When you walk by someone on the street and nod your head at them, you are providing non-verbal communication.  It is the same as verbally saying “hello” to that person.  Similarly, on a baseball team, the pitcher and catcher are “talking” to each other the entire game, but no one can hear them, the catcher giving signs to the pitcher, and the pitcher nodding his head in response.  This is effective non-verbal communication. 

When trying to reason with a 6-year-old in the middle of a busy mall, standing in the toy aisle as he is pointing at and grabbing every toy, a parent’s effective verbal communication skills need to be at their best.  A good communicator might get down to the child’s level, and in a calm and monotone voice talk about the toy with the child.  One might discuss the upcoming holidays or birthday that might be right around the corner, or plan to make a reward chart for good grades or good behavior to earn that toy.  Or one could just look down at the child and in a stern and deep voice, simply say “NO!”  While this might be a form of communication, it might not be considered effective communication.  Know your audience.  If your child responds well to short, direct communication, then that is what you will use.  If your child tends to let out loud, ear piercing screams when you tell him “no”, try a different approach.  This can all be applied to a relationship.  When you get to know someone, you learn how they like to communicate and you can tailor your responses accordingly.  Know your audience! 

There is no absolute right or wrong way to communicate, barring just sitting there saying nothing with a blank stare on your face.  There are many ways to communicate, and this is what often makes it so difficult for two people to begin a courtship.  Two people must hit it off from the first words out of their mouth.  The first words spoken are a defining moment in any relationship.  Ask someone what she said last month to her spouse and the response will be a shoulder shrug and a shake of the head, with her eyes looking up, meaning “I have no idea”.  Now ask that same person what her partner’s first words were to her when they met.  Most people remember this first encounter like it was imprinted in their mind.  When you consider all the relationships that don’t succeed, you can usually point to one main contributing factor: lack of effective communication.

Every partnership begins here.  When two people meet for the first time, they have to communicate with each other, either verbally or non-verbally.  If you can master the skills of communication, you will have conquered the largest hurdle in any relationship and mastered the first element of your pie.