Intimacy can mean a variety of things, and intimacy is different to every single person.  As the relationship grows, intimacy will be felt deep within your heart.  You will feel the desire and need to kiss your partner, hold their hand, or lay with them on the couch while watching a movie.  Intimacy is not only a feeling, but a desire.  You cannot force someone to be intimate with you. This element might be present from the moment you meet, or it might present itself after you have mastered other elements of the pie.  Intimacy, like emotional support, can only be defined by the person.  The worksheet that you completed will help you answer and provide answers to this element.  Do you know when your partner wants you to hold their hand?  Do you know when the look in their eye means they want you to kiss them?  The desire should be two-sided and the feeling mutual. 

            Intimacy makes both parties feel important to one another, and gives a sense of pride and security to the relationship.  A shared intimate relationship is one that grows and is evident to those around you.  You should not hold back or hide your feelings of intimacy for someone.  You should feel a need to express them, no matter where you are or who you are with.  Intimacy is partially a learned behavior.  By getting to know your partner, you know what they like or what turns them on.  You know if they like to hold hands, or kiss with passion, if they like to have their back scratched before bed, or feet rubbed in the morning.  Intimacy can be a note left on their nightstand just telling them you are thinking of them.  Intimacy can be having dinner by candlelight in the middle of your kitchen.  Intimacy can be lying in bed until noon on Saturday with your partner as their head lies quietly on your chest.  Intimacy can be making love for hours. 

There is no right or wrong way to be intimate.  This is defined by the relationship.  You should share with your partner what you like or dislike.  Use your words to tell them what you want or ask them what they want.  If one person needs to be kissed four times a day to satisfy their needs of , then their partner needs to first know that and then follow through.  On the other hand, if your partner only needs to have their hand held to satisfy their intimacy, then that role too must be filled.  Intimacy is one of those elements that comes from within.  It is very difficult to fake intimacy with someone. 

Intimacy also could mean having sexual encounters.  Sex is a basic human desire that must be met.  But sex is not just sex when it is between two people who love each other.  Having a meaningful sexual relationship means being very emotionally connected.  In this act, two people cannot be closer.  It is sharing something that goes beyond male and female, deeper than a feeling, and stronger than an emotion.  Intimate sex is crossing over into another world.  During the act, you should be at a place that is higher than both of you, yet you should be at the same place.  The feeling of having sex is a wonderful experience and one that should not be taken lightly.  To give yourself to someone as you look into her eyes, there has to be a connection that is between two people who truly love each other.  People have sex every day, meaningless and for the pure physical satisfaction, but that is not what I am discussing here. 

            Intimate sex means taking the relationship to the highest level two people can achieve with one another.  To share that experience is something that should involve your whole being.  Two people need to talk about it, share it, and be able to have fun with it.  It should be taken seriously, but fun at the same time.  A relationship with a strong and viable sex life is one that will come together, naturally.  It is not something to be ashamed of or hidden, especially from your children, if you have them.  I am not talking about the act of sex, but the emotions that go along with the act.  It is healthy to have your children watch you kiss and be affectionate with your partner.  To show your emotions “on your sleeve” is something that your children need to see.  This is the only way they can learn to express themselves to the one they will fall in love with later in life. 

            Sex in a relationship is, for some, the ultimate entry into one’s soul.  You are giving your love, your trust, your emotions, your life to that other person.  Two people having sex are both trying to achieve that next level.  You are expressing yourself in a physical emotion in a way that has the potential of creating another life.  There is nothing more satisfying or gratifying than both partners reaching that level of ecstasy, and being able to share it.  You are making your relationship that much stronger with sex, or intense and passionate intimacy.  As I have said before, each element builds on one another.  If two people share the bond of trust, honesty, communication, and intimacy, the natural expression is to share their bodies with one another.  You should get sheer pleasure out of the fact that your partner is being pleased.  It takes two connected people to embrace each other and get as close as they possibly can, through the act and progression of a satisfying sex life.  To have sex with someone you love is so different than just having sex to pleasure yourself.  Your emotions are off the scale of emotional range, and your body reacts to those intense feelings.  You are putting yourself in a supernatural state, so much higher than you actually know.  The universe pales in comparison to two people who are in love with each other and are willing to open themselves up to the other person.  You are inviting them into your world, one that is so much more than just the outcome of the sexual act.